Query Post

A Question from a male friend: (my opinions at the end of it)

Okay. I admit that the title isn’t the best but I really want to knowif Domme’s need to be in control of everyone and everything aroundthem. I met a woman at work a couple of months ago who likes to dommeand works in a highly stressful real estate business. Our businessescrossed each other and we were working in the same office for a time.I watched as she butted heads with anyone who would stand up forthemselves. She went through assistants like they were M & M’s. Nowmind you, I had to stand up to her at the job and we got in an all outdispute which I won and she lost. Not a day didn’t go by when shedidn’t shoot daggers at me with her eyes or try to one up me in ameeting. I’m good at what I do and she lost every fight.

A little while later when our business was done, I’m attending aprivate fetish party and I run into her and her male submissive intow. She did the hiding in the shadows bit and was very stand offishto everyone except the hostess and host. My presence seemed to unnerveher though I kept my distance from her and socialized with the peopleat the party. The male sub had to endure much from her, but hey toeach his own and whatever gets you through the night. I was mildyamused to see her male submissive approach and we began to chit chatabout fetish stuff and football. I asked him if she was verycontrolling and he said down to the minute. We spoke for about thirtyminutes before she called him loudly to return to her side and thenbegan to berate him for talking to me. Me of all people, she screamedat him and then they abruptly left.

The hostess who knows her for a few years tells me that she is likethat in everything. I didn’t take it personally because it was betweenthem, but then I came to the realization how insecure in both herpersonal and professional life. Most of all, she wasn’t atypical; mostof the Domme’s that I run into online and offline are much the same.Such insecurity makes the prettiest of women ugly real quick and Iwould never get involved (I like to make some of the decisions in mylife thank you) with and stand up for myself when the lines arecrossed.

So now, I see this trait more often than not, which begs the question,”Do Dommes have control issues?”


I’m not much of a talk when it comes to posting, though i love readinga lot… but then this post made me write my thinking/wondering aboutit, its half about the question which has been raised, other half issomething that troubles me…

First of all, Something about me, Am an Indian Girl, and the societyin which i live in, is “male-dominated” (the best phrase i could findwas only that) Now when it comes to my normal everyday life, i’m alsoa fighting one, at my personal and carrer front. cause thats the way ilive, at times its the way i have to live if i’m to survive. well,that can not be the case for the particular lady this person wastalking about, but then i do find insecurities at the end of the day,insecurities which are strongly related to emotions. if a person likehim judges me all day the same way, (of course that does happen a lot)i’d also be defensive, frustrated and destructive to say the least.i’m a person who is open with her emotions, if its anger, orfrustration or anyting else. now the point is, if i’m to think aboutwhat he’ll think of me, there are two options i can see, First if i’llbe my self and do things as my guts say, he’ll think i’m insecure. Andsecond if i dont do that and stay calm, not caring what he tries todo, he’ll think i’m Girly girl who even cant put up a fight. In anycase, he’s going to think IS WHAT he’s going to think, similarly inher case if he’ll just try finding faults and loose ends, he will onlysee the 10% of mistakes and not the 90% of perfection she might be.Basically Noone’s perfect, Everyone have their own weaknessesreagarding the way they want their surroundings. And for more, thepersons i’ve seen who get frustrated a lot in such things, are theones who care enough to have things their way.

Now for the Question, “Are Domme’s Control freaks?”

well, first of all. If i’m to answer that, i’ll say that thedefinition of control as well as Freak varies from person to person.And its completely based on how i define ‘control’ and ‘freak’.. ifcontrol means to have things my way, and freaking means to make thathappen by force, and gets emotional over the failure or thevictory…. then WHAT THE HELL, i’m a control freak!! by thatdefinition, i guess every Dominant, be it a male or a female is acontrol freak.

Now that lead me to questions, the ones that keeps me troubling almostall the time, What’s the reason i’m a dominant? Why i like being andacting in such a way? is it really related to freaking for thecontrol? feeling dominant is a psychological thing, then what thereason behind it??

I try to find reasons/answeres for everything i do, and that makes thejourney much better along the way… specially with Ds… i dont havethe answers yet, but may be someday i’ll figure it out…

Till then, only one question, ” Everybody here would have been doingthe same sould searching upon the time.. have anyone came up with asuitable explanation that they believe is the reason why they areDominant/submissive, Other than just accepting that they are wiredthat way..??”


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