Dom Vs Domme

Okay, one more interesting thread at fetlife. Can’t help but reply it.

JohnBaku said in this thread here..

Ready, set, fight. LOL… no… please don’t!

I got the following private message from a dominant women who is a member here on FetLife and I would like to share it with everyone to get your opinion:

If I choose dominant as my role, it automatically calls me a domme on my profile header. I am not a domme. That word was created to make women separate and second class… I am a dominant or dom for short. I’d like to know why the header doesn’t just say dominant, which is the choice we are offered. It would make life simpler and annoy me less.

I am ashamed to say I don’t know the history or the politics behind Dom vs. Domme so I wanted to ask you guys what you think is the right thing to do. Should both men and women just be Dom for short and Dominant for long i.e. should we not distinguish between the two sexes?

I think that the female who said that is right in her own ways. And I agree and empathize her. I have written a similar post a few years back, why I do not like to be called a mistress. And this one is also on the same line.

For starters, as so many other replied and confirmed that people do not usually pronounce it right. Like somebody over the phone once asked me of my orientation and I said “Domme” which sounded like ‘dom’ , the other person replied , “so you mean “ Domme” which sounded like ‘dom-meee’ . And then I replied “Domme” where I pronounced it correctly again, the other has to go ahead and say ‘dom-me’ . I had nothing else to do then to give that battle up. And it was not the only time. Then I had to forget about it all. Now I say I am a female dominant. Well again, Domme is not the only word though, Femme is also getting the same treatment. So, this is the first and formost reason that the word “Domme” should be out.

Secondly, logically in a fetlife profile header you have [username] [age] [gender] [orientation] structure. Now if I already have “suboholic 25 F” written in my profile, then I seriously think I do not need to be distinguished as a “Domme” to be clear of the gender. Like thers is a Submissive aka Sub for every submissive person disregarding his/her gender, Why should there be any difference for the Dominant. Everyone dominant should largely be called a Dominant aka Dom. That’s it.

I have been compelled to write a reply because it touches my nerve on the other note, which is the word ‘Mistress’ but then again, I am much happier to be listed as ‘Sadist’ in my profile, which definitely portrays me best.


3 thoughts on “Dom Vs Domme

  1. It’s so that people know if they are getting a girl versus a transvestite/boy/used to be boy

    1. This is an unfortunately insensitive response that doesn’t really address the OP’s concern. I’m transgender woman (M>F). I don’t consider myself a “transvestite” and I *really* don’t consider myself a “boy”… nor was I ever a “boy”. I’m about to sign up as a member on FetLife and I hope I find people that are more open minded than this.

      On the original subject: i agree, the “gender” field specifies gender well enough; we don’t need further gender distinctions in other fields. My opinion is that it’s just demonstration of pointless divisiveness.

  2. Okay. The reason that the dominant is gender specific is because alot of women have madenit a point to show that they are women and want to be treated as diffrent.

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